lost my job

I’m one of the 33.5 million Americans who recently became unemployed because of CoVid 19. At first, I was in shock. I had been working so hard and was just hired in February. Though a part of me was a little nervous about job security, because the industry that I worked in was taking a brutal hit due to CoVid 19, I didn’t think unemployment would happen to me.

As the days went by I became pretty angry and conflicted. Why me? Did I do something to piss someone off? I started questioning every action I took during my short time of employment.

In the grand scheme of things, I am lucky. I have a husband that is still employed, a roof over our head, childcare, and savings in the bank. However, that feeling of being rejected and your services deemed unwanted, just plain sucks. It’s definitely been a roller coaster of emotions since May 5th, when I was let go.

What type of image does my resume portray?

I hate having 3 jobs in 3 years on my LinkedIn page; where all of my industry colleagues, recruiters and potential employers can view. It’s embarrassing! They don’t know the entire story behind what really happened at each job. In my mind, all they see is someone who hops around from job to job. In reality, I’ve taken some major risks in my career over the past 3 years and have worked harder than ever.

In 2017 I left a great company to start Little Harvest, an Ecommerce baby food delivery company. It was a leap of faith and turned out to be an incredible learning experience. Launching and running Little Harvest was the hardest I have worked in my entire life and it felt great, though something had to give.

Having a business of my own was a lifelong dream of mine. However, after a few 20 hour work days making baby and toddler meals, I made the difficult decision to go back to work for someone else and officially close the doors of the business. It was an extremely hard thing to do, but growing Little Harvest was very demanding for just one person, and my family life was suffering.

I thought I had it all figured out…

Upon going back to work for someone else, I thought I finally had the whole career thing figured out. I was going to stay in my 2 most recent jobs until the company sold or went public. Turns out, God has other plans. I don’t know what they are and it’s not comfortable. The pressure that I feel each day is immense. There are some very big decisions that we need to make, both as a family, and personally. In the end, I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to. It always does, but I wish someone would just tell me what to do.

Once again, I am taking time to critically think about what I want to do for work. My most inner desire is to reopen Little Harvest in a different capacity, but my logical side says, “no”, go back and work for someone else; you have two young children that need you. However, going to work for other people really hasn’t worked out for me.

Can we have it all?

Is it possible to either start or join a company that I am passionate about, love what I am doing, and be present for my husband and children all while supporting our lifestyle? Does a world like this exist? If so, how do you make it all work?

We have a limited number of days on Earth and a limited number of hours in each day. What are we working towards? How are we spending our precious time? Are we making a difference, loving our family hard and having fun along the way?

Once again I’ll ask, “can we have it all”?

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